dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
