need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ttyl tear gas
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you had me at cake vodka
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
