Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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