the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
