This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
