I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
