Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
