All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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