I met the friendliest cop last night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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