Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
