It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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