just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
