the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
