The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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