i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
