Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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