You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
