Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
