So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
