I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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