there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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