9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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