this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
