Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
