So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
