I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
