It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
