so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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