i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
