Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
