U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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