wakey wakey hands off snakey
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
