garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i don't like sucking hair
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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