I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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