I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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