I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
