Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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