shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize