So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize