The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
