i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
