I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
