This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
