I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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