So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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