Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
