ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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