i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
