It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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