i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
