i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
