I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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