Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
