I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize