okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
