Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
