i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
