yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
