I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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