RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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