I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
