1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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