Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
