someone owes me an orgasm
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
