Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
