I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I faked an abortion last night.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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