Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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