I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
