Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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