I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is Oprah even human
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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