hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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