If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
