he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
