I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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