having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
